I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
