According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
