DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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