I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
