I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize