he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
