when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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