I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
