Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
