I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
