I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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