first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this boner is exhausting
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
