she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
