how can u be prego again
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
