I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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