Is it because I queefed?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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