I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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