six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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