i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
