When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
