She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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