My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
