You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
