Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
