Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
