hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
