Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
