everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
