Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
