They should really pass out barf bags in church
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
