She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
