Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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