Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
