I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize