So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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