It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
