Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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