oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
