I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
