He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
