Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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