What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
