I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
