apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
