in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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