So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
