1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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