you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why do cheetos always look like penises
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
