just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
