Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
