You can't special order awesome
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
