I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
