yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
