So drunk its hurt
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
