You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
