if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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