Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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