you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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