proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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