think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
