i don't like sucking hair
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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