Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your tits are I can't wait for
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
