Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
